Say something about gay babies.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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