Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize