i just google imaged poop.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
