Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
