I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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