just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize