They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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