its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
