Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
