Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
