apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
