were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
