I heard we made out
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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