dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
