If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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