Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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