Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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