What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
