dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
