Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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