My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
