Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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