talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
