oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
