I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
