Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
