We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
