you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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