Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
