Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
