i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
