I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
