I am in a vortex of obligation.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
