He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
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Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
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When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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