News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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