Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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