Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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