Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
