i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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