So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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