I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
