peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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