Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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