pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize