idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
