I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
