Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm sobbing to NWA
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
