found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Randomize
