I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
