we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
