thus making me awesome and them whores
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
