He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
