If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It was like giving head to a cactus.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
