True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
