It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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