Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
