When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
