1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
