absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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