im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
