i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
