She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
