I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
