dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
