Pants 0. Shit 1.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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