look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
