Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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